“That’s right, I need to write today, I just need to write, so I just will.

I think I know what’s bothering me, I think I know what’s wrong with me today. Re-reading all those stupid conversations where you talked about me, about us, and you just pretended everything was my fault. I don’t know what upsets me the most, you being able to say all those things to someone who doesn’t deserve to hear them or you being able of thinking all those things about me and they way I treated you. WTF? I still can’t believe it..

I know, I know, it’s been a really long time.. so what? Doesn’t change anything.. I’m not over it and I don’t think I ever will. Losing the only support you have is not something you get over easily. I trusted you everything, and I always thought I managed to get through you quite a lot. I knew you better than anyone else, and you KNOW that. Ok, you didn’t know me the same way, but that doesn’t mean I never gave anything to our friendship. That means I prefer to take care rather than to be taken care of. But no, for you it means that I didn’t give a f*ck about us.. Great, good to know.. yeah.

And then.. how do you dare saying that I was depressed all along? Who do you think you are.. I just told you! You didn’t know me that well.. I had loads of stuff going on inside my head, my life was quite complicated at that time, and the only thing you could think of was that I was depressed because of you? Yeah, keep dreaming. And not only that, but you have the balls to say that you didn’t ask me what was wrong because you were tired of asking. Sorry? Did I hear right? After so many years of friendship, or what I thought it was so, you can say that you were tired of asking.. You were tired of asking me, me, the one who has been there for you for years, asking over and over again, until I managed to get one or two sentences out of your mouth, until I managed to know what was wrong with you just by looking at your eyes. I never got tired, NEVER. And it was hard not to do it, believe me, but I didn’t give up. And I am hurt. Because you say I gave up and it is not true. And I am hurt that you don’t remember those things I said to you, and those times I was there for you, and those things I was capable of doing for you. And you don’t remember any of them, and it really hurts. Because they were things I wouldn’t do for somebody else, but I was capable of doing them for you, and I thought you would, at least, appreciate that, but instead, you just forgot them all. I can’t believe it.

But now, after all that, there’s only thing I can say, I’m Sorry. That’s it, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I destroyed our relationship. And now, after 3 years, I am prepared to take all the blame. Even though I know it isn’t all my fault, and you know it perfectly well, but you don’t want to admit to it, and I respect that, so I take the blame now.

And I don’t mind. Because I know that if I don’t do that know, I will never be able to get over this. It still might take me some time, what I thought we had was kind of strong and powerful and it had a lot of meaning, for me, of course, not for you, I already found out that.

And I have to say, I would love to finish off this text by saying: ‘And don’t ever expect anything from me, not the minimum thing. Just a Hi and a Goodbye when we meet. ‘

But I can’t. Because it doesn’t matter how hurt I’ve been because of you, and I don’t care about all those horrible (because they were horrible) things you said about me, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t want me in your life again. Because you were my best friend, and I know I will never find someone like you. Never. I will never trust someone the way I trusted you and I will never be able to know someone the same way I knew you. And I don’t like to say it, but it is the truth. You were unique, and I was unique when I was around you. And don’t get me wrong, I love you, but as the best friend I ever had, I don’t love you as anything else. And, in case you don’t know, you were more important than anyone that I would have loved that way, because I could trust you more.

I don’t even know if I have anything else to say, well, no, I do, I do have loads to say about you, about me, about this story between us. But I think it’s enough for today. Don’t you?

I hope you never ever read this. Because it would only hurt me more if you do.”

Después de poner un punto y final a esa frase, se secó las lágrimas e intentó secar un poco el papel para que no se emborronara tanto. Cerró el cuaderno, lo metió en su bolsillo y se puso en pie. Dió un paso, el primer paso de su nueva vida, y respiró hondo.

Era el momento de volver a empezar, y lo sabía. "